Giving Love a Voice

(picture credit: The above picture is by Jametlene Reskp on Unsplash)

After a loved one passes on, there are so many feelings, emotions and questions rolling around inside you creating waves of ups and downs. In our modern times, we generally have very little direction on processing all the things going on in our bodies and minds. It can be debilitating.

Imagine a time when the passing of a loved one can be something inspiring, soothing and meaningful – even through the pain.

Instead of encouraging disengagement from the loss as a “final” stage of grieving, what if we focus on how to honour the bond with that person, that friendship or relationship and how to move through the loss in a way that’s beneficial while we continue living and adapting to changes.

When we understand that the essence of who we are is high frequency energy – not our bodies, and that energy never stops or simply ends, it makes sense to ask:

• Where is my loved one now?
• Does our connection still exist?
• Can love continue beyond physical death?

One way of understanding grief is that it’s love looking for the essence of the person we knew as a physical body that looked a certain way and had these behaviours. When someone dies or a relationship changes, the love that held that bond doesn’t dissolve. Their love never leaves you, and your love never leaves them. It’s merely the outward expression of the relationship that’s changed. It doesn’t take the pain away, however it does shift your focus to a new way of being with that special person.

When your love wants to be shared as it always had, we look around for them and they’re not there. We don’t see or hear them, so it seems there’s no way for physical expression.
The physicality of the person is no longer there, the same dreams, the same routines, are no longer there. That’s true, yet if that’s all we look for, we can become stuck in isolation, numbness, hopelessness, or despair.

However, their essence does still remain – bonded to you always, through love.

Giving love a voice means finding ways to continue expressing that love rather than trying to suppress it.

Here are some ways to do that:

Speak to Them

Continue conversations with your loved ones.

• Talk to them when you’re at home or while out walking.
• Write letters to them.
• Invite them to be with you at important life events.
• Ask for guidance or support when you face difficult decisions.
• Even ask them what they would do and imagine what they’d say.

Tell Their Stories

Their stories keep the meaning of their life alive in the world.

• Share your favourite memories of them with family and friends.
• Create a memory book dedicated to them.
• Acknowledge what they taught you and share that.
• Speak their name often.

Live the Gifts They Gave You

Your love can speak through your actions.

First ask yourself: “What part of them continues to live in me? What did they teach me through their actions that can make my life and others’ better?” Maybe it’s:

• Their kindness.
• Their courage.
• Their sense of humour.
• Their generosity.
• Their thoughtfulness.

When you embody those qualities, their legacy continues through your life.

Let Grief Speak

Many people try to be strong by pushing grief away. Or as a child you believed you were never to speak about it. Brush it under the rug. Yet grief itself is love wanting to be expressed.

• Grief can speak through tears of love
• Longing for them, can be love.
• Remembering precious times, can be love.

When we allow ourselves to feel these emotions without judging them as something gone wrong and rather see them as love wanting to be expressed, grief often becomes less frightening and more meaningful.

A Companioning Perspective

The goal is not to stop grieving or replace grief with happiness because that’s not always achievable in the moment. The invitation is to listen for the voice beneath the pain. It’s often love saying:

“I still matter.”
“This relationship still matters.”
“What we shared is still part of who I am.”

Finding ways to express that continuing love, transforms grief from being less about losing someone and more about learning a new way of loving them. The pain may still be present, but it is held within a relationship that continues to have meaning, connection, and purpose.

Healthy grieving does not require ending the relationship, it’s transforming it.

Lucy Crisetig
Artist, Writer, Coach
IG: lucy_crisetig